The Giving Tree Has Horrible Boundaries

Does your job or your job, job search, or relationship make you feel like The Giving Tree? You know the story - the tree and the little boy that needs, asks, takes, takes, and takes? The tree gives its fruit because the boy wants to sell them, it gives its leaves for shade, it gives its branches for him to build a house for himself.

It gives its whole fucking trunk so he could make a boat!!

And then in the end, as an old man, he was tired … and the tree says “go ahead and use my trunk as a seat.”

This story has always bothered me. I cry when I read it. It’s a horrible story!

The truth is, the tree allowed herself to be victimized and taken advantage of by someone that didn’t give a shit about her unless he needed something to take.

And he never once says “thank you” or recognizes her sacrifices!

Well, I'm sorry, I don’t want a career to take everything from me and then sit on me!

Look, I get that it’s really beautiful to be altruistic. And it genuinely feels good to help others - I’m fully onboard with THAT part. But in the story, the giving goes too far. The tree gives ALL of herself and to what end? The boy grows into an old, unfulfilled regretful man.

All that sacrifice didn’t create anything meaningful.

Who won?

What good came of all that giving?!

I need to say it: doormats don’t get raises, promotions, or much credit of any kind.

As a career therapist, I work with mid-level professionals who are sick of being overworked, getting overlooked, and being under appreciated.The hard truth is that having boundaries can be terrifying. And trying to stop “yes”ing cold turkey can ruffle some majorly important feathers.

One of the many benefits of the Impact & Identity program is to have others to help you find the balance. Swing too far to the other pole and you can be seen as an asshole or lazy.

But the real transformation comes from the much deeper work we do to discover and heal what enabled your Giving Tree behaviors. Then we untangle the many “rules” and beliefs about work, about yourself, and about life because of how those behaviors were treated.

Once I found the balance between having healthy boundaries and being an eager doormat, I gained a whole new level of career success!

• I was given credit and recognition for all the things I or my team accomplished.

• I got paid more.

• I was invited to do work that I like.

• I had a better relationship and open communication with my boss and team mates.

• I finally found comfort and peace instead of worrying that I'm gonna get fired or laid off.

***** I felt good about myself because I had genuine confidence! *****

If you don't love the work, I'll help you change careers.

If you don't love the work and you love the industry you're in. I'll help you change jobs.

If you don't want to change jobs, I can help you alter the roots of these interpersonal things at work - how you are received, how you feel, what you give, what you're invited to do.

Because you deserve to have a job that feels safe, that feels good, and gives you pride.

You deserve to work with people that you actually enjoy being around because you spend a third of your life with them... and if you count the time away from the office when work is going through your mind, you easily spend over half of your life with your coworkers.

If you have career ambitions that seem stalled or even impossible, you’re likely a candidate for the Impact & Identity program. Even if we aren’t a fit, the epiphany call always provides some much needed clarity to help you take your next step. You have to qualify to be able to get a call, but the call is free. It really is a win-win.

Don't be The Giving Tree.

I pledged to myself decades ago that I wouldn’t have a job just to have a paycheck.

My pledge was meant to guide me on a career that brings me pride. To create things and help others and make the world a better place.

Like so many of you reading this, part of my identity was gained and expressed through my work. Just think of any casual conversation you have with a stranger… “So, what do you do?”

For better or worse, the answer is always “I am the work I do.”

And I chose the work because I identify with it.

But reality does seep in, doesn’t it?

• Bills need paying.

• Dinners need making.

• Doctors need visiting.

So, like any good employee, I said yes to the requests.

After all, hard work is what makes you memorable, shows your worth, and helps you get ahead, right?

Not exactly.

The Giving Tree was a damn doormat! She was just an object to him - even though they call themselves friends.

But even worse, she would have been happy to give it. No thank yous. No recognition. No appreciation.

In other words, doormats don’t get raises, promotions, or much credit of any kind.

As a career therapist, I work with mid-level professionals who are sick of being overworked, getting overlooked, and being under appreciated.

The hard truth is that having boundaries can be terrifying.

And trying to stop “yes”ing cold turkey can ruffle some majorly important feathers.

One of the many benefits of the Impact & Identity program is to have others to help you find the balance. Swing too far to the other pole and you can be seen as an ass hole or lazy.

But the real transformation comes from the much deeper work we do to discover and heal what enabled your Giving Tree behaviors. Then we untangle the many “rules” and beliefs about work, about yourself, and about life because of how those behaviors were treated.

Once I found the balance between having healthy boundaries and being an eager doormat, I gained a whole new level of career success!

I was given credit and recognition for all the things I or my team accomplished.

I got paid more.

I was invited to do work that I like.

I had a better relationship and open communication with my boss and team mates.

I finally found comfort and peace instead of worrying that I'm gonna get fired or laid off.

***** I felt good about myself because I had genuine confidence! *****

If you don't love the work, I'll help you change careers.

if you don't love the work and you love the industry you're in. I'll help you change jobs.

if you don't want to change jobs, I can help you alter so much of these interpersonal things at work - how you are received, how you feel, what you give, what you're invited to do.

Because you deserve to have a job that feels safe, that feels good, and gives you some pride.

You deserve to work with people that you actually enjoy being around because you spend a third of your life with them... and if you count the time away from the office when work is going through your mind, you easily spend over half of your life with your coworkers.

If you have career ambitions that seem stalled or even impossible, you’re likely a candidate for the Impact & Identity program. Even if we aren’t a fit, the epiphany call always provides some much needed clarity to help you take your next step. You have to qualify to be able to get a call, but the call is free. It really is a win-win.

Don't be The Giving Tree.