My grandma's final days

The oxygen tank hisses and my grandma's breath grows more shallow.

And Slow.

She said her last words a week ago.

Growing up in this codependent family, I had to teach myself boundaries as an adult.

The chaplain sent from hospice is talking to my mom. And I'm grateful. My mom has cared for my dementia afflicted grandma for over a decade. People adored my grandma. People call my mom a saint. But I know mom’s future is difficult. Without this, rescuing reason-to-live or reason-to-be.

My mom is answering the chaplain’s questions with the usual bullshit based on the family rule of "don't air out dirty laundry.". This is the shallow, fake, “everything is fine” chatter that makes me angry and bitter.

I don't know exactly what the chaplain saw in me. Maybe the way I was telling stories, but out of nowhere, the chaplain announces, “Oh, you're the one in the family with boundaries, good boundaries.”

And I'm floored.

Here I was feeling like I'd been failing because I allowed some bitterness to surface. But from the chaplain’s trained eye, I was doing well... and that I was the one that saved myself from the challenges of codependence.

Why is a career coach telling you this story??

I'm telling you because all of these patterns show up at work. They've shown up in my decisions of where to work, of what I'm capable of, of who will accept me, of what I do well, and of what is allowed for “someone like me”... whatever that means ;)

So, I’m more of a career therapist.

Given that 96% of families are somewhere on the dysfunction spectrum, knowing and coping with family of origin survival dynamics is so much more important for a fulfilling career than ANYONE is talking about!

I want to challenge each of you reading this to be curious about the role you played as a kid and how you're still playing that role in your career. What patterns do you still follow to help yourself feel confident or secure?

Let me know in the chat how this exercise went for you. Was it challenging? Did it make you angry? Did it make you sad? I'm open to all of it. I'm hoping we can have an open dialogue.